Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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