What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
