My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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