I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
