I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
