i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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