Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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