I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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