I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
