we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
