In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
