can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
