dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
they need to just BURY HIM!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
