it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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