Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
