We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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