hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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