New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
