I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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