New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
