i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
