I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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