the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ruined the universe
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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