In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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