Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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