You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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