Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
PANTIES FOUND
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