I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
sarcasm needs its own font
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
