my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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