I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm bleeding and have questions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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