"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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