Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
