I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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