i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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