nut hugger
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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