so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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