She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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