He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
