Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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