I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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