sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were destined to go to rehab together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
