You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
