Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
