just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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