we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
