You smell like stripper and shame
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
