You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
