so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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