So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
