grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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