Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
