I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
