I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
