he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
