Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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