Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
