Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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