i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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