A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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