I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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