so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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