I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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