so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
