so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
