Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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