i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
