My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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