Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My pussy is not your playground.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
