if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
