i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
