eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I could fuck to npr.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
