i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
