No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
