Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
