One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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