dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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