I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
