Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
