bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
