so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
