Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
