Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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