i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think people are normalizing furries
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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