Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
