so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
