Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
