dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
