sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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