Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
