God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
