I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
