I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you win again, gameday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
