I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
