Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
