imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
