But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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