My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
