Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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