I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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