Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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