Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
