batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
