happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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