i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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