My cat gives me a boner
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
